It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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