I think i sorta joined a cult last night
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
