we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize