I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
