im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
