There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
