im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
