It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
