Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize