WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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