Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
