I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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