one might say we're banned from that church
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
