there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
