So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize
