he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
