i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
