the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
