We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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