this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
