I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It's shark week go big or go home
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
