I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
