I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
