Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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