I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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