ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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