Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
