Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Do vagina's smell?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize