I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize