i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
