Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
