We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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