FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
