I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
why do cheetos always look like penises
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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