Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
