shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
