this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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