Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
