How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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