I think scott just propositioned me for sex
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
my poor anus
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
