Me. At least after what I've been through.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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