im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Randomize
