did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize