guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Randomize