dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
