I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize