She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
so let's talk penis.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
