he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
