I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
