Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
