On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
