You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
