The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize