I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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