what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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