after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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