If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
