we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Randomize
