is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
