Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
