just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Randomize
