I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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