I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
