so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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