Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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