She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
