btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
