she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
