I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
