can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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