My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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