he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
