Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
