they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He shit in the fireplace
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
