shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
