Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
