She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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