So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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