Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
You can't special order awesome
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
