so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
