I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
