If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
