She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
