my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
