as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
