you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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