we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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