Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
