Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize