I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
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