Barsexuality is the new black.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
