this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
