kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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