I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
