if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize