I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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