I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize