He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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